Six weeks in, the integrator has to fire a crew lead over a pattern, not a single mistake: the same problem showing up a third time, after two separate conversations where the guy said he understood and then went right back to waiting to be told.
Three weeks into his commitment to letting the team figure it out, the integrator gets a call at 4:15 on a Thursday. A deadline that can’t move, a crew lead standing in front of him with half a plan, and no time.
Remember the construction company integrator from last week’s article? The one who stopped getting out of his truck to fix things? He told me something a few sessions later that stuck with me. He said the hard part was never deciding to stop rescuing.
He’s sitting in his truck at 6:40 in the morning, parked where he can see the crew, but they can’t see him, watching a scheduling problem unfold that he could fix with one phone call. Two weeks ago, he would have already made it. His hand is actually on the door handle. He doesn’t open it.
One of the leaders I coach, a President working closely with her company’s CEO, took a week off this summer. Before she left, she would have told you she was the person decisions ran through. Not because she wanted it that way. Because years of being useful had built it that way, one small rescue at a time.
You already know you are in the drama triangle. That is not the hard part anymore. The hard part is finding what you specifically have been doing that keeps it running. Here is what it actually feels like when the trigger lands.
My daughter is capable. I have always known this. I have said it out loud, written it in cards, meant it completely. And then I have walked into the kitchen while she was figuring something out and fixed it, because I could see the faster path and the hour was late and there were other things still waiting.
You do not need difficult people to sustain a Drama Triangle. You need good ones. People who care about the work, show up early, and take the mission personally. The triangle does not thrive because people are broken or ill-intentioned.
I remember the phone call clearly. This was pre-texting, which tells you something about how long I have been at this work. She was someone I admired. Several steps ahead of me in her career, accomplished in ways I was still reaching toward, and she had played a teacher’s role in my life for a while.
I sat across from two business partners recently. They have spent the last few years growing their firm fast, and they have grown tremendously as leaders along with it. I have watched them find their footing, trust their individual voices, and learn how to navigate each other with real maturity.