Humanizing Change: The Tug of War Between Comfort and Growth
Why We Hate Change, Even When It’s Good for Us
Ever notice how staying in your comfort zone feels safe, but stepping outside it feels like jumping into the deep end of a pool? Change, for many of us, brings an emotional tug of war—one side pulling us toward the security of the known, and the other daring us to embrace a new unknown adventure. As leaders, understanding this tension is crucial to guiding teams through transformation.
Change is inevitable, yet for many of us, it stirs discomfort. Why? Because change challenges the boundaries of our comfort zones. At the core of the comfort zone are the habits, behaviors, and beliefs we’ve practiced over time. These things make us feel safe, competent, and in control. This the land of the familiar. But when asked to step beyond that zone, most of us resist. Maybe we feel stubborn or judge ourselves as incapable. Mostly, it’s because we are human. Humans by and large don’t like change. Change takes effort.
When hit with change, whether it’s a new work process, a shift in personal responsibilities, or even mastering a new skill, we often experience three powerful reactions: emotional, physical, and mental.
The Emotional Reaction
The first sign of change-triggered discomfort is emotional. When something threatens our comfort zone, we can feel a spectrum of emotions – some positive and others challenging. Maybe we’re excited by the idea of something new, or we’re overwhelmed at having to learn that next new thing. These emotions are normal. They are an outspring of our natural desire to maintain homeostasis. The good news (yes, really!), they are signs that growth is around the corner.
The Physical Reaction
Next comes the physical response. Ever notice a tight chest or the pit in the bottom of your stomach when you’re confronted with something outside your comfort zone? That’s your body reacting to adrenaline—a rush prompted by the anxiety or excitement that comes with change. This physical reaction is your body’s way of saying, “Pay attention! Something different is happening!” It can be uncomfortable, yet it’s a clue that you’re moving outside of what is normal. The physical sensations let you know you’re on the cusp of growth.
The Mental Reaction (The Voices….)
Lastly, there’s the mental chatter. Our ego kicks in, creating limiting thoughts designed to pull us back into the comfort zone. Thoughts like, “Who do you think you are?” or “You don’t have what it takes,” are typical when faced with a change into the unknown. These voices are often loudest when we’re about to stretch ourselves. Trying to keep us safe, they actually keep us stagnant. Learning to recognize and quiet these voices is key to discomfort and embracing growth.
Embracing Growth: Expanding Your Circle
We often think of change as something we “pull” into our comfort zone. But a more powerful way to look at this is that it’s not the change moving towards us—it’s our comfort zone expanding to meet the change. This new perspective lets us see ourselves as constantly expanding, growing new skills, and creating experiences that strengthen our abilities.
Start by mapping your own comfort zone. Draw a circle on a sheet of paper. Inside, list the tasks and activities you’re comfortable with—those you could do in your sleep. On the outer edges, note the things that are uncomfortable but are still manageable. Finally, outside the circle, place the tasks that fill you with dread or anxiety. This visual exercise helps you see where growth is possible.
For example, maybe you feel confident leading marketing initiatives but break out in a cold sweat at the thought of managing a budget. Recognizing this allows you to plan how to gradually bring these discomforts into your circle of ability through learning, support, or practice.
Leading Through Change: The Change Curve
For leaders, understanding how people experience change is crucial. The change curve outlines four emotional stages individuals pass through when confronted with change:
- Denial: When faced with change, the first instinct is often to deny it. Your role as a leader is to provide clear, consistent information to those experiencing the change. Over-communicate, remembering that it often takes several times before someone gets the message.
- Anger: As denial gives way, anger sets in. You will see arguments and pushback. Your leadership role in this phase is to offer support. Emotional intelligence is vital, understanding that the reaction stems from discomfort, not necessarily opposition.
- Exploration/Options: This is when people start to explore alternatives and see the possibilities within the change. Your role is to give direction, offering next steps and clarifying how these options lead to success. As in step one, over-communicate and this time with a healthy dose of collaboration.
- Acceptance: Finally, individuals adapt to the change, even if reluctantly. Your role as a leader here is to encourage and reward progress, helping to create repeatable behaviors and mindsets.
Humanizing Leadership
Humanizing the change process means understanding that people’s resistance to change is deeply personal. And to not TAKE it personal. By acknowledging and responding to the emotional, physical, and mental reactions of others, you not only lead more effectively but also create a supportive environment where growth can flourish.
The key takeaway? Change isn’t about pulling new things into our comfort zones—it’s about expanding our comfort zones to meet the new. By humanizing the process, acknowledging the emotional and physical responses, and providing clear support through each stage of the change curve, you can guide your through even the most challenging transitions, creating a culture that embraces growth and adaptability.
It’s more vital than ever that we lead our teams from a place of high emotional intelligence. That’s at the root of The Humanized Leader. We are partnering with Maven Courses to offer a deep dive into each of the 4 foundations of The Humanized leader, beginning with Emotional Leadership. Head over to Maven to find out how to apply for the first foundational cohort (led by Mary Pat Knight) The Drama Free Workplace.
Mary Pat Knight is CEO of Leaders Inspired – an executive coaching and consulting agency devoted to the development of emotionally intelligent leaders. She is also the author of the Amazon #1 International Best Selling book, The Humanized Leader.
The ground-breaking new book, The Humanized Leader: The Transformative Power of Emotionally Intelligent Leadership to Impact Culture, Team and Business Results, is now available in Kindle, paperback, or as an audiobook. To get your copy – or extras for your team, click the button below.
