The greatest gift you can give.
The greatest gift we can give to those we lead – ESPECIALLY right now – is to listen to them.
When we listen, we create connection and meaning. At the same time, we receive knowledge, feedback, and guidance that we wouldn’t have gained elsewhere.
Meanwhile, the one being listened to receives the gift of acknowledgement, recognition, and attention.
Listening is the key to making decisions and solving our biggest problems. As Mark Twain once said, “If we were meant to talk more than listen, we would have two mouths and one ear.”
Why don’t we do it very well?
We often don’t listen well, because the moment another person starts talking, we have already begun to prepare our response.
In other words, we’ve prematurely stopped being curious about what the other person has to say, and are already trying to control the outcome of the conversation.
This ‘listen to speak’ model neglects two important components in the listening process:
- Understanding the message being delivered, and
- Interpreting through a filter clear of assumptions and judgments.
Many of us fool ourselves into believing we are great listeners. But what if we were willing to approach listening – and our ability to do it well – with an open mind?
Here are my top tips for listening well to employees, and anyone we lead or come into contact with and wish to connect with.
4 Ways to Listen Well:
- Practice silence. Breathe deeply, become curious, be willing to suspend your agenda, and sit quietly to allow the other person all the time they need.
- Ask meaningful and open-ended questions. Doing this encourages the speaker to clarify and continue.
- Pay attention and honor emotion. Often what’s being said is more purely communicated in the emotions being expressed, rather than the words being uttered. Notice what’s coming up.
- Respond, don’t react. Pay attention to your own emotions as a listener. When we give in to the impulse of reaction, that’s when we jump in with our own agenda. Take a few deep breaths and find it in yourself to stay with the conversation.
