The singular people-connecting skill that any leader must master is listening, but not just any kind of listening. Leaders must listen with their whole being.
There’s so much riding on how we listen—from your employees feeling heard and validated, to obtaining key information that drives your business’ objectives. In other words, it’s the key skill to emotionally intelligent leadership.
It pays to listen, and it pays to listen well.
What does listening with your whole being look like in practice? Here are three things to keep in mind.
- Listen with Your Body. Be involved physically. As you settle into your body and ground yourself in the here and now, you will feel relaxed. There is a greater willingness to really look at the other person, nod, and make eye contact. As an emotionally intelligent leader, you are also attuned to how your body responds to the stimuli and what you hear. This physical presence creates safety for the conversation and gives you some additional information as you settle in to observe.
- Listen with Your Mind. Permit your mind to quiet, so that you can be present in the conversation. When your mind is jumping around, you’ll miss the meat of what’s being said and what’s intended. Quit mentally rehearsing your reply. Listen to make connections. Use your intellect to create a mind map of what the person is truly saying to you. Be mindful and smart enough to allow the person to come to their own conclusions.
- Listen with Your Heart. Be involved emotionally. This is not about care taking, but about caring. Let your intuition guide your open-ended questions. Engaging your heart to be here, now, and no place else will help your mind and body grow quiet, so that you can be at ease offering respectful attention. Empathize and have compassion, but avoid the conversation takeover that often happens out of discomfort or the desire to fix things. Communication is rich and effective when people are assured you have their best interests at heart. You can read more about showing empathy by listening with curiosity here.
Be easy about this. Listening, like leadership, is presence, not performance. Witnessing and compassionate presence is what’s required.
When you “try” to listen, resistance and effort is introduced. Simply allowing yourself to listen is effortless and time stands still—for both parties. That kind of listening is deeply fulfilling. Listening is a skill that must be practiced. Compare it to learning to lift weights. Both are mastered with repetition. Silence, listening for themes, paraphrasing, asking open-ended questions, using a pause, and body language are all basic, practiced skills.
When you listen better, you lead better. When you lead better, the team performs better. Win. Win. Win.
Mary Pat Knight is CEO of Leaders Inspired – an executive coaching and consulting agency devoted to the development of emotionally intelligent leaders. She is also the author of the Amazon #1 International Best Selling book, The Humanized Leader.
The ground-breaking new book, The Humanized Leader: The Transformative Power of Emotionally Intelligent Leadership to Impact Culture, Team and Business Results, is now available in Kindle, paperback, or as an audiobook. To get your copy – or extras for your team, click the button below.
