Feel What You Feel
Can you remember the last time you lashed out at someone (probably someone close to you) and the lashing had nothing to do with the present situation?
Can you remember the last time someone had an over-the-top reaction to you and you wondered where in the world that came from?
To feel is human, to understand and manage those feelings is Leadership.
The basic premise of Emotional Intelligence is that you have feelings (as do others), you can identify them, you understand the source and you stay aware to them. This keeps you in balance and leadership.
Know What You’re Feeling In The Moment
In the hustle and bustle of work and life, feelings and emotions show up but the expression of them could be delayed. Patterns, beliefs and habits can submerge the emotion. The result is inner unrest or distraction or a feeling of incompletion. When you know what you’re feeling in the moment, you can lead the emotion and not become victim to it.
Know the Source of Your Feelings
You might be angry at your boss for what you perceive as mandating an outcome and then looking over your shoulder in the process. Digging a little deeper, you may find the real source in your history – maybe a father who often dictated behavior at home. Unless you recognize the trigger, you could be acting out in all kinds of non-leadership ways.
Be Aware of your Judgments and Assumptions
Feelings are feelings. They act as emotional rudders for us. We often assign various emotions to the “bad” or “good” category. This just adds another layer of distance between you and your intuition and wisdom. Feel the feelings until they subside. You don’t have to act on them. Just know they are there and stop beating yourself up for having them.
Support Others to Do All of the Above
Leaders always start with themselves. That’s why Emotionally Intelligent Leaders are deeply committed to Personal Transformation. Once you are on to yourself, your patterns, and your unconscious beliefs then you can support others to see theirs and move through them.
We’ve got a great resource that helps you, the Leader, to identify some habits in yourself and then take the wisdom to the team. The Five Real Reasons Your Team is Not Engaged (and It’s Not What You Think!). Click here.