Leaders Inspired

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Who is Your Leadership Lifeline

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I liked Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. It was exciting, surprising and nerve-wracking to witness who would roll the dice, what they knew and when they needed help. One of my favorite concepts was the “lifeline”. When stuck, the player could cast a lifeline to someone in their life who they felt could offer the BEST support in this situation.

Who is your leadership lifeline?
This is a special kind of friend or colleague who will not argue for your limitations. Rather, they will call you to a higher place of wisdom and action. They will not let you sit in a victim mentality for long. Instead, they will help you find your contribution and your creative way to solving your issue. They will not rescue you or pity you. What they WILL do is compassionately hold space or wisely ask the right questions to get you moving again.

How many times do we get triggered by a person, place or thing (think your politically-opposite relative at the last family gathering)? Human nature says to sit in the trigger, justify the feelings, judge the other and be righteous in our own mis-guided feelings. When we are unconscious, we will seek out those friends and colleagues who will agree with us, help us justify our position, pat our heads, sit in judgement with us and help us stay stuck in our righteousness. OK, be real…you know you have either done this or been THAT person.

The person who is Your Lifeline won’t play the justification game with you. That’s why they may be the THIRD OR FOURTH person you reach out to. You reach out when you are tired of feeling like a victim or if you are on to yourself and really want to win this game of Leadership Mastery. If you are lucky or committed to practicing your EQ on a daily basis, perhaps they are the first call you will make. You see the worm-hole you are about to descend into and need that extra boost to stay the leadership course. Thank heaven for the lifeline friends!

What about you? Are you willing to be a Lifeline for the people in your life.

Lifeline Tips:

  • You are neutral and don’t take on the other person’s issue or point of view.
  • You stay open to their experience without judgment of the feelings they are having.
  • You neither agree nor disagree with their point of view.
  • You hold an intention that they are greater and more powerful than the trigger they are currently experiencing. You hold that intention STRONGLY.
  • You ask great open-ended questions that help them to make leadership decisions.
  • When appropriate, you offer wisdom or feedback directly and without leading them to your own agenda.
  • You never take credit for the outcome, remembering you are a vehicle – a lifeline – for them to create their own powerful outcomes.

Being a Lifeline for another leader requires a high level of Emotional Intelligence.

  • You are willing to acknowledge that you and the other person have feelings and judging those feelings is not useful.
  • You accept your own feeling and triggers and learn to manage them well, knowing in that action you become a beacon of hope for others still navigating these tricky waters.
  • You are committed to practicing key skills of listening, inquiry, feedback and finding an internal neutral place so that, overtime, you are not only a Lifeline, you are a JEDI-MASTER Lifeline.

There is no greater honor than to be asked to support another person’s emotional growth. The key to mutual success is to know how to and BE an Emotionally Intelligent Leader.

Stay Inspired!

Be The Bridge of Communication

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You are a bridge.  As an emotionally intelligent leader, able to navigate emotions and needs, you provide a bridge to those who have diverse styles of communicating. You know how to meet people where they are. You are at one end of the bridge and at the other end of this very long bridge somebody needs to receive your message. If you deliver your message in the same way time and time again, you’re only going to meet a quarter of the population as three-quarters of the population receive information in a different manner than the way you’re communicating. The world needs your message, let’s make sure you are heard.

Communication is behavior and behavior is observable, situational, flexible, dynamic and based on your thoughts and beliefs. That means communication can change by your own conscious choice.

Think about the diversity of communication and its impact on how you do or don’t get along with certain people. If you were to make a list of people who were easy to be with and people who were difficult to be with, you would see that the people who are easy to be with are similar and those more difficult are different than you. Your styles are similar or different and when you don’t know how to shift your style to meet the need, hardship and pain are the result.

The Four Behavioral Styles

For the sake of simplicity, let’s morph all the many behavioral profile results and distill them down to four behavioral common styles.  You will be able to recognize yourself and others in your work and life as we discuss the four styles.

Pretend you’ve drawn a cross in the middle of the page.  At the top, you have outgoing and on the bottom reserved. You have someone task-oriented on the left side and you have someone people oriented on the right side. Which one is better?  None are better than the other, they simply are. They are ways that you are wired and show up, and all four parts of the matrix are absolutely needed and invaluable in running a business.

One style of communicator is the Driver. The driver is task-oriented and outgoing, they want to drive an agenda, they want to make things happen and they do it through tasks. They see the world as filled with problems that need to be resolved. They easily take risks and move rapidly.

A second style is the Seller. The seller is outgoing and enjoys being in the spotlight and being at the front of the class.  They are people oriented and want to lead a team that wins with people. They are very verbal and often charismatic. Relationships are important to them so they will accomplish their tasks through people.

The Analyzer is reserved and task-focused. They don’t need to nor do they want to be in the spotlight. They are too busy focused on getting a task accomplished by analyzing facts and data and historical information. They ask, “why?” and make certain that key corporate metrics are achieved correctly. They avoid conflict and look at the world from the prism of standards.

Our final style is the Team Player who is reserved, yet people-centric. They don’t necessarily want to be in the spotlight yet they’re also very people focused. They’re committed to making sure that the team wins together. Steady eddy types, they accomplish task with stability and harmony and don’t like change.

With that cursory description, can you guess who you are? Are you a driver? Are you a seller? Are you an analyzer or are you a team player? It doesn’t make any difference which of the many behavioral assessments you may have taken, you’re generally going to fall into one or two of these four styles

Pick Up the Clues and Customize

Now that you’ve seen all four of these folks, what does it mean for you? Take what you see about yourself and then pick up the clues on other’s behaviors and customize your leadership communication. Each guest, client and associate is unique and they all have a preferred method of communicating.  Without conscious thought, most selling or managing is based upon the behavioral style of the seller or the manager. If you truly are the bridge for communication, you will see that this is backward. Know thyself and adapt to serve the person on the other side of the bridge.

Conflicts in style can result in tension, discomfort and lost opportunities so adapting your approach to the needs of the others will improve your chances of collaboration and results, simple as that.

Put It into Action

To sum this up and make it actionable, follow these tips:

  • Recognize your responsibility to create the bridge so that your message is received.
  • Understand where you fit in the behavioral matrix and how you prefer to communicate.
  • Pick up the clues from those around you to determine their preferences.
  • Adjust your style to meet their needs
    • Bottom line for drivers
    • Create connection with sellers
    • Provide details and data to analyzers
    • Create a clear playing field for team players
  • Rinse and repeat until this all feels natural to you.

The Ideal Leadership Team

There is a distinct benefit of having all four styles on the team. The ideal leadership team is comprised of the driver who generates the ideas and insists on the results and the seller who will go out and promote the ideas and generate the enthusiasm and the team players who make certain that ideas are carried out and bring stability to the group and then finally the analyzers who make certain that key details are covered and that the project is done well. You need all four. There’s not one right and there’s not one wrong. Drivers, sellers, team players and analyzers, they complete the puzzle so you need to customize your style to their preferences. That creates your leadership choices of how you will communicate.

Emotional Intelligence is strengthened with practice and consciousness. The idea of communication diversity, creates an expanded playing field for the EQ leader and, in turn, creates a diverse customer service experience, stake-holder experience and employee experience. It pays dividends to customize your communication.

Stay Inspired!

 

The Compassionate Termination

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Outside of public speaking, there is little that strikes fear into the hearts of managers more than having to terminate someone. Emotions, opinions, and judgments collide with a sincere desire to protect the company from adverse actions. Add to this any  disappointment that the relationship and work product have soured—and finally, heap on looking someone in the eye and saying, “Yes, I am firing you.”

You now have the perfect recipe for human disaster.

And that is why it is generally done poorly. We don’t know exactly what to say, how to protect the company, and in the middle of all of it are those messy human emotions.

But terminations don’t have to be this way. Terminations can be compassionate and dignified, and they can promote good will and self-esteem. They just need to be done a bit differently than you might imagine.

With some attention to emotional intelligence (EQ) and leadership, you have all the skills in your toolkit to create positive communication even in such trying circumstances. .

Why are terminations so difficult to do well?

People don’t want to cause friction. We are not wired to want to hurt people—and in fact, we are usually wired to want people to like us.

From a communication perspective, very few of us listen with the type of attention that might be required during a termination. We move swiftly toward expressing our point and then quickly move on.

Another reason terminations are so difficult to do well is just pure and unadulterated fear. What if I say the wrong thing and we get sued? What if the person has a strong reaction? What if they go postal on me? What if I’m just wrong? What if they cry? What if they spread rumors about me or the company?

What is a Compassionate Termination?

The compassionate termination is a respectful ending conversation between two individuals that discusses behavioral facts while honoring emotion.

Ten Principles of Compassionate Termination

Obstacles and opportunities are first created in the mind. Therefore, these ten principles address both mindset and mindful action. The first and overarching basic principle is that we are human beings doing the best we can with the information and situation at hand. When we know more and practice more, we do better. Consider the following principles as guidelines for more than just termination—indeed, they are guidelines for any emotionally-based conversation.

1. Be Present

How you show up will set the tone for the conversation. Become aware of, and clear up, any strong emotions you might have. You cannot predict the future, and the past is already complete. Show up now.

2. Check Assumptions and Judgment

You are human, so you have them. Being aware of them and neutralizing them allows you to be fair and in control of your own emotional response. The person you are terminating will feel this and his emotions will likely stabilize.

3. The Golden Rule

Simply put, treat people as you would like to be treated. If the shoe were on the other foot, what type of conversation would you want to have? How would you prefer to exit? What emotions might you be feeling that would need honoring?

4. Hold a Safe Place for Strong Reactions

Those who are being terminated will likely experience strong emotions, reactions, and defenses. Your job is to create a safe space for emotional expression – after all, you’ve already done your emotional work around this.

5. Don’t Play the Blame Game

The blame game never works. Your employee is likely to point fingers back at other colleagues, the company, or you. Stay in a neutral place. Redirect the conversation back to supporting him and looking toward the future.

6. Support the Terminated Employee’s Future

Speaking of futures, all compassionate terminations bear in mind that the person being terminated still has one. When the blame has subsided and the bargaining has completed, the person needs to leave the conversation with some hope for their future. In any way that you can, find something to appreciate about the person and offer hope for the next outcome. There is nothing more devastating than beginning a job search with shattered self-confidence.

7. Do What You Say You’re Going to Do

Think out and clearly communicate what you or the company is prepared to do for the individual. Write it out so that the communication is crystal-clear and then do it. Trust can be built and protected on the way out, too.

8. Balancing Act – Protect the Company, Honor the Individual

Be careful of over-offering information or opinions, but balance that protection of the company with appropriate appreciation for the human being.

9. Have You Done Your Job?

Is the employee surprised? Truly surprised? If so, then you have not done your job.

10. Don’t Act Abruptly; Don’t Wait Too Long

Timing is everything. If you wait too long, the conversation may become harsher. Additionally, your employee may have been feeling unsuccessful for too long already. But conversely, if you jump on an issue too soon, it’s perceived as micromanagement. Do your investigation, conduct your coaching and course-correcting, and keep open and honest communication. You will know when it’s time.

Some Final Thoughts

How many times have you heard a friend or family member express that their termination was, in hindsight, one of the best things that had happened to them?  Your compassion might help someone see that this really is the best decision, as painful as it feels in this moment.

Your thoughtful leadership will set the pace for thoughtful human interaction at every phase of the employee life cycle. But this is never more needed than at the end of someone’s employment. Your EQ will pay off in great dividends.

At the very core of Emotional Intelligence is the ability to understand that both employee and employer have feelings, and can manage those feelings. Leveraging a whole lot of EQ to customize an appropriate communication, rooted in dignity and respect, that discusses performance and outcomes rather than personality—that’s the winning ticket.

Nothing lasts forever – nothing. Learning to let go—and support others to do the same—lies at the heart of compassionate terminations.

Stay Inspired!

 

Leader or Manager?

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“Bad leaders care about who is right.  Good leaders care about what is right.”
– Simon Sinek

Per the Gallup Organization, 75% of workers who leave jobs do so because of poor relationships with their boss (aka – manager).

Assumption. Everyone reading this is a manager of people, process or project. Even if you are a sole business owner, you’ll sit in the management function because you must run your business. Management is the job of running the business.

  • Needed?…
  • Yes. 
  • Coveted?…
  • Sometimes.

In our signature system, Leadership Mastery™, we always begin by sorting the behaviors and characteristics of managers and leaders to understand the distinction. Imagine a sheet of paper with a line drawn down the middle and on the left side is manager and the right side is leader, what goes in each category?

Manager versus Leader

Managers are responsible for executing and delivering the strategy either through people or process. Your list may include P&L’s, defining goals, hiring and firing, inventory and other executable tasks. You own the daily list; the monthly list; the annual list of things that move your business forward. This is needed in any kind of a business. From a sole entrepreneur to a fortune 500 company, there must be a management process in place.
The Leader board will be different. Here is where you will find inspiration, vision, listening, motivation, and coaching. These are all characteristics that define a quality of being.

There is a distinct difference. Managers are doing and Leaders are being. 

Do you have to be manager to be a leader? No.  A leader can bubble up from any strata of any part of any company. Think about a line level employee who, without title, has a group of people willing to follow their lead?

Positional Power

Here is the important question – have you ever been managed by a manager (maybe this was you) who did not have leadership qualities? This is the manager who has a title and has not yet developed the necessary skills or attitudes to lead, but rather uses positional power to maneuver.

The manager who has not been trained or encouraged to adopt leadership behaviors is trouble waiting to happen.  You might be feared and maybe respected, but never fully followed. When you top-down manage by relying on your title, your employees may never own their own power and never be fully accountable for their own outcomes.  Positional power kills engagement.

Versus Personal Power

A leader works from the inside out with personal power. A leader moves people into action with influence, understanding and managing emotions, empathy and clear communication. The result is that employees are led to their own outcomes, there is a greater likelihood of accountability and people are willing to function as a team.

Now imagine your management duties imbued with leadership qualities. The outcome is likely engagement, satisfaction and enhanced discretionary effort (results!).

The manager tells and the leader influences. Those who are told are taught to be dependent and those who are influenced are taught to think for themselves from a place of purpose.

What kind of business team would you like to manage?

Leadership Tip

If you are ready for a leadership upgrade, take stock of how you are showing up in your business. Make a list of the leadership qualities that are strong in you and those that are not.  From that list, choose an action to practice for the next few weeks to elevate your leadership ability.

Stay Inspired!

Commitment is a Verb

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“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes… but no plans.” 

— Peter Drucker

 

A commitment is the fire that sits in the center of accountability.

How many times have you made an agreement with yourself – to lose weight?  To get the work project done on time?  To spend one afternoon to yourself?  Only to see time come and go without the outcome you have declared.

How many times have you made an agreement with someone else – a date, a deadline, a deal – only to fail to deliver?

Broken hearts, broken trust, shame and guilt are all heaped onto an experience of an unfulfilled life.

Why do people fail to make the commitments necessary to achieve their desired outcomes?

  • fear or avoidance of accountability
  • fear of conflict
  • worry about what the other may think of you
  • Making commitments unconsciously without considering the implications
  • Not really understanding exactly what was agreed to

You use words like TRY, COULD, SHOULD, MAYBE, I WISH rather than I WILL.  It is the I WILL that creates the commitment.  It pushes past the spoken word.

“Commitment is an act, not a word.”

— Jean-Paul Sartre

surfing-2-freeimages - Pete Smith

A commitment is a voluntary, purpose-led, willful movement into action.  Commitment requires action.  Commitment creates momentum.

The commitment takes into account what matters most and answers the question, “Can I count on you?”.

Unmet commitments, large or small lead to stalled execution, broken trust, sluggish momentum, missed opportunities, poor financial results.  Add to that what we are teaching others who are watching us, counting on us – the impact is our loss of integrity.  The only way out is to move into action.

“The only limit to your impact is your imagination and commitment.”

— Tony Robbins

A commitment will be successful when you clearly understand the request and the purpose (or why).  You will be able to take action if you have or can obtain the necessary resources. Considering the other priorities in your life and business, you will be able to make a conscious choice. Finally, a thorough inside look at your habitual behavior around keeping commitments will help you develop a mental plan to address any commitment bad habits.

If you ever get stuck, here is a simple 5 step model to move back into action:

Accountability Model:

  • What will you do?
  • By when will you do it?
  • How will you know you are successful?
  • How will I know you are doing it?
  • How can we celebrate progress, milestones and outcomes?

In the 6-part Leadership Mastery Workshop Series, students participate in an exercise called Broken Agreements with Self.  Identifying three very important goals or desires, they then chronicle all of the ways they have broken commitments with themselves which blocked the outcome they so desired.  It’s an eye opener. The amazing thing about this is that the very next workshop (usually a month later) the majority of the participants come back celebrating the committed actions they took to get closer to their outcomes.

They moved from unconscious to conscious.  They took one small purposeful step which created momentum.

What game changer are you willing to commit to today to create a higher level of personal leadership?  Write it down and take one small action at a time and feel the growing momentum.

Be conscious of what you are committing to.  Your word, your integrity and your self-esteem are on the line.

 

photo credit:  freeimages.com/PeteSmith

7 Tips To Be Feedback-Ready With Defensive People

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Here’s a good one from the client question vault:

How do you react to an individual who won’t accept or receive your feedback?

dreamstimefree_231971There is nothing more frustrating than a person who greets your well-intended feedback with defensiveness, rebuff or denial.

True feedback, offered in the spirit of improvement, is not easy to give – especially if you are a conscious leader. You need to be aware of your own opinions and judgments and you need to be willing to obtain all sides of a story or situation before proceeding. Even then, the person on the receiving end may discount what you are offering. The trick is to not take it personally and move into a neutral position as swiftly as possible.

You are offering the gift of feedback but you cannot make the other person open your gift. You can, however, take some steps that will make you more effective.

Here are 7 tips that will make you feedback-ready when dealing with defensive people:

1. With respect and compassion, acknowledge the fact that you perceive defensiveness from the other person and ask what would make it easier for them to receive feedback.

2. Check your opinion at the door and speak from fact and behavioral observation.

3. If the feedback is mission critical, make sure the other person understands the impact of the behavior or situation and the potential consequences if it is left unchanged.

4. Create emotional safety before launching into feedback by beginning the conversation with a personal connection, offering a positive opening, or simply acknowledging the fact that feedback is tough to give and to receive.

5. Be aware of your own emotional triggers or personal biases that might affect how you offer feedback.

6. Work with your own discomfort about offering feedback. The other person will pick up on your discomfort, not feel safe in the conversation and the result may be defensiveness.

7. If you keep banging your head against the same wall expecting different results, don’t offer the feedback unless point three above is applicable.

The only way to offer great feedback is to practice. In practice a person makes mistakes. Use these “errors” as course corrections to improve. With your continued improvement over time, even the most defensive of people will be more open to your feedback.

The Spotlight Leader

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9678595836_1c2af46975_oYou – yes, you!  You are a spotlight leader.  Each person in a position of influence and authority finds themselves in the spotlight.  People are overt or covert in their observations but, rest assured, they are looking at you.

So, what’s your job?  Keep the spotlight bright with behaviors and attitudes that you want repeated in your organization – those Emotionally Intelligent and Leader-Inspired ongoing behaviors.  Be aware of being lulled into a place where you think you’re free from the spotlight, because you are not.  That’s what you signed up for when you agreed to lead.  People want you to be the best you can be but they are also morbidly curious and titillated when you fall.

As the light shines brightly on you, here are five suggestions that will keep you on top of your game, and also support others to their best efforts:

  • Be a maven of inspiration.  Believe, believe some more, and then call attention to how the belief shows up in behavior and results.  Celebrate.
  • Set the course by creating meaning.  People want to know where they are going and why.  A good leader is open about where we are headed and able to create meaning for the movement.  The people grab onto the meaning that’s created and then catch the wave.
  • Communicate what success looks like.  Don’t assume that others know what you expect.  Tell them.  Be specific.  Let them know the end game and the milestones along the way.  Share where you see possible pitfalls.  And then let them know what the inspection process looks like so there are no surprises.  People want to contribute and win – show them how.
  • Learn together.  Make mistakes and then learn together.  Share your mistake and the learning that ensued.  Model how to pick yourself up to start anew.  People who are afraid of the consequences of failure will not risk.  Without risk, there is no innovation.  Make the mistake, learn publicly, course correct and begin again.
  • Make decisions about counter-culture revolutionaries quickly.  People are watching you to see what you tolerate.  If clear direction, course correction, honest feedback and peer pressure does not work, make sure to exit those who are counter-culture.  Be human about it – but do it!

Every day you are “client-facing”.  Your internal clients are always in front of you.  They shine their spotlights of curiosity and evaluation.  Are you to be trusted?  Are you real?  Do you act with integrity?  With that in mind, how do you make every interaction authentic, real and connecting?

Photo Credit: marfis75

Leaders Don’t Make Excuses for Poor Communication

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Communication is Behavior

How many times have you thought, “Well that’s just the way I am” and used that as a reason for a circumstance in your life?

How many timeold folks have you discounted people on your team with the thought, “She’s always been that way.  She can’t change”?

How often do you justify how you talk to someone because you are both “set in your ways”?

Those thoughts are “noble excuses.”  We come to believe and live in a paradigm which becomes our truth – rather, our excuse.  They sound reasonable, but are excuses just the same.  This is never more true than when we are talking about talking.  We get used to the way we show up and we tolerate how others habitually talk with us and never challenge the status quo.  There is a better way.

Remember that Communication is Behavior.

And….

Behavior is

  • Observable – You can see it
  • Based in Situation – Certain situations produce familiar triggers that can cause you to close off your options
  • Flexible – New information can be released, circumstances can come to light, your point of view can change
  • Dynamic – Communication situations can build as history meets today, offering an opportunity to see and interpret differently
  • Based on Thoughts and Beliefs – This is where it’s tricky unless you are willing to see where you are stuck and could have an opportunity to shift or be open to another’s belief

Emotional Intelligence is built on a high level of Communication Skills.

As you see from the list above, communication can be altered at will.

What that means, is you can adjust or change anything about your communication, listening, feedback, ability to inspire.

All it takes is the capability to see and own your choices and the willingness to do something different.

When you, the Emotionally Intelligent Leader, master this for yourself, you can support others on your team.

No more excuses….just great communication.

Shadow Accountability Keeps Us Safe in Case Things Don’t Work Out

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shadow-accountability-ei-leadersTo understand accountability is to take a giant leap forward in understanding Emotionally Intelligent Leadership. Accountability is defined as the quality of being answerable to another for actions taken. You can answer to yourself or can answer to another individual or group. At the core of it, a promise is made: You agree to answer for an action you have agreed to take. Why, then, is it so difficult to keep our agreements, be responsible and hold accountability?

  • Accountability has a bad rap.  When you think of the phrase, “I’m going to hold you accountable,” it conjures up fear of blame when something goes awry.
  • It can be elusive when you make agreements you don’t intend to keep.
  • If you shy away from direct, neutral and fact-based discussions, you may find it hard to ask for accountability or deliver the bad news when others don’t keep up their end of the deal.
  • Accountability is impossible if you are worried about hurting someone’s feelings or committed to enabling others.

While all of the above is true, another reason it may be difficult is because of Shadow Accountability. If I ask you to be accountable to an agreement, I have to be accountable too. I may not want to be pinned down. So, if I don’t pin you down, perhaps you won’t pin me down either. If I’m loose with deadlines, success metrics, and iron clad agreements, then you can be loose with me also.  Shadow Accountability is a form of collusion that keeps us safe, just in case things don’t work out. When we are in the shadow things don’t get done, integrity is damaged, resistance ensues and we all go around and around on the same spiral.

Let’s shed some light on the shadow by taking a look at agreement guidelines:

  1. Create criteria for yourself so that you understand when to say yes, or no, to an agreement. When you make agreements you intend to keep, you have more invested in the outcome.
  2. When you make the agreement, recognize that you have 100% responsibility for the outcome – no 50/50 or 60/40, you have 100%!  And the other person has 100% as well. That’s 200% effort towards achieving the agreement.
  3. Ask specific questions to make a solid agreement. Start with the 5 W’s (who, what, when, where and why). Loosely stated agreements can fall apart quickly. Success can be achieved more quickly when all parties are clear about the steps and outcome.
  4. Check in on progress. Not to be confused with micromanagement, when you check in you offer consistent support, create collaboration opportunities, become a brainstorming partner or simply offer encouragement.
  5. Don’t mandate the agreement. People are more energized and committed when they feel they have ownership and control. Let all parties name and claim their action steps. Then, make sure to acknowledge success.

Accountability is at the core of business ethics, and the ability to create a culture of accountability and responsibility is a mark of an Emotionally Intelligent Leader. How has personal accountability played a role in your life? We’ve all been let down and we’ve all missed deadlines. We’ve also all been at the mercy of mandated timelines. How have your experiences of accountability impacted your actions and attitudes or the actions and attitudes of others? Can you recognize when the shadow appears and the back door of excuses opens? The next time you are making an agreement and want to hold yourself or others accountable, take a look at the five suggestions in this post.

When you continue to shed light on the shadow, make agreements you intend to keep, and allow yourself to be specific, your leadership will shine.

Resilience is a Key Component of Emotionally Intelligent Leadership

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resiliant-leadershipThere were torrential downpours last week in the area of the U.S. which I live. Spring showers on steroids, it poured and poured.  I love the rain and I love a good thunderstorm.  So I was feeling cozy in my house with a quick check of the basement to make sure it was dry, and we all headed off to bed.

Come morning, the quick check of the basement came with a shock as I stepped into two feet of water. Stress, obstacle, problem, adversity were all rolled into one as I realized that my one precious item – the family photos – were likely floating in the river that was once my basement.

As the adrenaline kicked in, I started to shake and then moved into decisive action.  Waking my son up to help move the boxes to higher ground, I marshalled resources to pump the water and obtained floor covering and then set about placing the photos on every available area in my home.  I’m happy to say the photos were saved.  I can’t say the same of many of the other items. In the moment of crisis, I made a decision. I’m happy with it.

Long story short, one of the key leadership skills of emotional intelligence is resilience. Resilience is forged through challenge and adversity.  How do you know how you’ll respond at heightened levels of stress and obstacle? You don’t. The only thing you can do is to prepare by embracing the skills and tools that create YOU – the emotionally intelligent leader.

Most anyone can become emotionally resilient with practice. It requires that you become aware of how you respond and what emotions get activated with stress, perceived disaster, danger, confrontation or seeming failure.

Your perception of the situation creates emotions. If you have practiced the art of recognizing your emotions and default behaviors, you can manage the emotions and avoid the knee jerk response. This means you can focus on purpose and what is truly important.

Some things to consider in challenging times:

  • Problems are really opportunities for learning and course correcting.
  • Reframing the situation to find the learning or the true perfection in it creates massive growth.
  • Humor and optimism help.
  • Reaching for what you can influence and then letting go of the rest creates focus.
  • Avoiding blame of self, others or circumstances can create a swifter pathway for decision making.
  • Feel your feelings (I had a good 5-minute cry!) but don’t let the feelings immobilize you.

Remember that resilience means to bounce back.  When all else fails, sing an old tune:

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again!

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