Leaving the back door open – a slippery leadership issue – is the erosion of trust.  Trust is the crucial, pivotal, necessary characteristic of leadership.

As a leader, I must look for where I allow myself to miss deadlines or to minimize the sense of urgency required for the job at hand.  I must vigilantly look for where I “LEAVE MY BACK DOOR OPEN”.  This is the place where we can all be slippery – we have the back door open an inch or a foot and it allows us to slip past deadlines, minimize urgency, forget promises, and overlook agreements that are only half made with others.

We can get away with this for awhile because we are good with coming through at the last minute or others are too polite to call us on it, or others want to keep their back doors open, too.  To live an authentic life as a transformational leader, we must operate within a secure container of energy.  I want my container to be secure.  When we leave ourselves this wriggle room, our containers of energy become insecure and loose.  So, we can skip deadlines or justify incomplete projects or forgive ourselves for promises not kept.

And this slipperiness – the back door remaining ajar – has consequences.  The ultimate consequence is that trust is lost.  There is something about the energy that is off kilter until the actions prove the fact.

Permission for the back door being open even a crack is freedom to break agreements and commitments.  What I am learning is that when I make an agreement, my integrity is on the line.  I agree to commit, do, act, or be something – and someone on the other end of the line is agreeing to hold me to my commitment.  Has “integrity” become an overused word?  Has it lost some of its meaning or charge as it becomes incorporated into “corporate speak”.

When coaching my clients, the biggest issue that emerges is accountability.  Isn’t accountability making an agreement and following through to achieve the agreed upon thing?  It gets complicated when one person has their back door open to slip out of the agreement.  And even trickier if the other person holding the space for the completion of the agreement goes soft or co-dependent and fails to hold the other to the agreement.  How often do we all “get away with things”?  How often do we let others off the hook?  Why?  Loss of regard?  Too hard?

When the agreement is broken or re-negotiated more than once, emotional safety is compromised.  I no longer feel as safe with you as I once did.  Which means…..I no longer have the level of trust with you I once had.  One too many broken or re-negotiated agreements, and I no longer trust you at all.  We do our best work when we have emotional safety.  This is about safety.

If any of us make an agreement with our partners, employees or clients and fail to honor the agreement, or if we make arrangements to call someone and fail to follow through, or agree to an assignment that is left hanging….the safety of the group or the relationship is compromised.  And we may think to ourselves, I’ve always been able to pull it off or it won’t bother so and so because so and so has never asked me about it or – better yet – I’ll just let this drop because nobody is noticing.  Energetically, safety and trust has been compromised.

This gets even trickier.  We get ticked off at the other person holding us accountable to delivering on our agreement in the agreed upon time.  We set ourselves up, knowing all along that “we can pull it off”.  The other person doesn’t know that you will pull it off because there is always a communication breakdown just prior to an agreement being broken.

I’m taking a look at where I am still slippery.  Won’t you join me?  Mostly this shows up in promises to myself that are not kept – business deadlines, food programs, communication follow through….I want to keep my container secure and I know you do, as well.  The only remedy is to challenge every excuse that rears its head and make a choice that moves us into integrity.

And then we can re-capture the true meaning of integrity that may have been hijacked along the way – know myself and what I value, operate from this place of purpose and intention, say what I’m going to do, and do what I said I would.

I first heard the term “leaving the back door open” from Chris LaPak at Pathways to Successful Living Seminars.  I acknowledge the team of leaders I am learning from under the guidance of Barbara DeAngelis for helping to shape additional thought on this topic.  Leaders learn well from their mentors —- sounds like another blog topic coming soon.  Lead well!